Reflections

I have "discovered" a band, Addison Road, from Dallas that I love...so, of course, as is my nature, I googled them to find out whatever interesting tidbits I could. Anyway, the lead singer, Jenni, has her own blog. She recently had to have a c-section, and was blogging about how God had other plans for her. Here is an excerpt from that post that really spoke to my heart:

"He stops to be present in that surgery room watching with delight as His little daughter Anniston sees the world for the first time. I am convinced He smiles. He tears up. He is overwhelmed with her beauty and gentle spirit. He stops with me when I am looking at her trying to comprehend this little miracle. He lets me know that He is there. That he is amazed. He stops. "

All at once, the bitterness and sadness that I had held deep, deep inside from Carly's birth disappeared. I did NOT want a c-section. I just knew I was NOT going to have one, God was not going to let that happen. I prayed hard every night for God's will to be done, even though I really wanted my own will to be done. I did not "give it to God," even though I professed as much. The words coming out of my mouth were just lip service compared to the feelings deep in my heart.

Eight months later I *thought* I was over it, but I guess inside I still wondered "why?" Why did God not answer my prayers the way I wanted Him to. God knows my heart better than I do, and, today, He needed to remind me that He was there. That His will WAS done. That He stopped to be present in that sugery room watching with delight as His little daughter Carly saw the world for the first time. And now, for the first time I really do feel at peace.

Now instead of feeling "cheated" when I look at this picture, I marvel at the wonder that is Carly. That God gave me this little girl to grow under my heart for nine months. That THIS right here is the very first time I saw her. And that God's will was indeed done!